Why True Friends Are Like Family: Choosing the Right People in Your Life

Back view photo of six girls wearing swimsuit sitting on white sand by Roberto Nickson from Pexels

      I consider close friends to be family. True friends show up the way good family does. I think today’s society has a better understanding of avoiding toxic friendships. However, from what I have experienced some people still forget they can choose their friends. There’s a saying, “You can’t choose your family,” but please—carefully choose your friends.

At the end of every year, I like to reflect on the photos from the past twelve months and some of the best moments of my life are the memories I had with friends. I think about the laughs, the tears, the blushes. An important factor of a friendship for me is the ability to be vulnerable without harsh judgement and connect on a deeper level.  

We all know it is important to have friends with commonalities to enrich life but I challenge you to take it a step further. Do you have friends who will make sacrifices for you? The type of friend that asks if she should have someone cat-sit when I visit, because she knows I don’t like cats. (I’m a dog lover—what can I say?) The type of friend that checks on my dog while I am at work because the dog had surgery. Most of my friends live a few hours away, but we always make time for each other whether it's driving to see each other or FaceTiming. I would donate a portion of my liver if one of my friends needed it—but no other organs because I am not that generous yet.

        If your friends are not dedicated to the friendship, retract your energy. I've learned that there won't always be mutual benefit with some friends/acquaintances and that is okay. This mindset helps avoid negative feelings toward those people. You can still show that person positive regard but not have them in the inner circle of your life. You can set boundaries and divert your energy elsewhere. Also keep in mind some close friends may be good for a season of your life, but as time passes and your life changes, they may not be the best candidates for close friendship anymore. For example, in college, you might have a bestie that loves the nightlife. As you get older, your priorities may shift, and you no longer have the desire or time for the nightlife every weekend. So, if that friend is not in the same place in life as you, you might only want to reach out occasionally. I think it’s still important to be supportive but also tactfully candid and stop spending as much time with them.

As an adult, it is harder to find new friends. When I moved to a different part of a state three years ago, I struggled to meet people I could connect with. I used the app Bumble For Friends and went on a few friend dates. There was not much of a connection on the first few. One person even bailed at the last minute after we had bought tickets for a paint-and-sip. I kept trying and eventually found a great friend who is now one of my best friends today. The Meetup app also is a great way to attend events and meet new people.

So instead of spending time giving advice on what character qualities to avoid in friends, I have chosen to provide some advice for having healthy friendships. Friends should challenge you to grow and GLOW mentally, and physically. Remember, quality is usually better than quantity. I may only have a few friends but each of the friends I do have can provide what five superficial poorly matched friends never could. I think of my friends like the sisters I never had. Keep those friends close—the ones who keep the compliments coming and the reprimands real. People—have your people.

My friend and I went to Santorini, Greece